Two Weeks Notice

Dear Mr. Rat,

I hope you ate well last night, so well that you are well nourished and strong enough to find a new home.  This may come asa shock to you, but I am not enjoying your company in my kitchen.  I’ll admit, I may have given you the wrong message by leaving a whole pineapple uncovered so you could nibble a hole in the side of it.  And it wasn’t very smart of me to leave the fridge door propped open with a half eaten chocolate bar and a bag of uncooked rice inside.  My bad.  I can understand how you would have seen those as welcoming gifts.  Still, if you thought I was politely offering these things with you, there was no reason to jump out of the fridge or the shower at me.  I can deal with flying cockroaches; however, your kind scare me by simply scurrying near my feet let alone when airborne. 

Please consider this your two week notice.  Even if you did stop chewing away at my candles, stealing my dish washing sponges and leaving behind dropping, I would still not welcome you with open arms.  Especially if you’re bringing along company in the form of Plague carrying fleas.  In this case, more is not merrier.

Thank you ever so kindly,

Kinsey

P.S.- Could you please tell your cousin, Miss Mouse in My House, that I would appreciate if she stopped leaving droppings on my clean clothes and startling me by leaping out of my packages from the U.S.  She is welcome to stay as long as the only evidence of her presence is the occasional glimpse I catch of her dashing across my floor in the late evening.  Remind her that this is a fair request since I saved her from drowning in my water pail.  Also, I did not go after her with my broom and insect spray like I did to the giant spider who was hanging out on the window way too close to my bed.  I appreciate your cooperation.  

THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN CALLING OVERSEAS

1. There is almost always a delay and it takes getting use to. Say a few sentences and then wait for them to be delivered to me. Ten wit a little more for me to respond and for my words to travel across the ocean to you.
2. Sometimes the connection is garbled and it sounds like we’re talking under water. First, try standing still with your left arm raised in the air. If that doesn’t work, try standing outside on the porch. And finally, you can try hanging up and calling back again. You might get a better connection.
3. More often than not we experience periods of silence, several seconds nearing half a minute (not to be confused with the ever-present delay). Be patient. Don’t hang up right away. The connection usually comes back (especially if both parties hold up their left arms).
4. It is the exact opposite of uncommon for the call to completely cut out after several minutes of conversation. Just call back. And don’t get frustrated if it happens three or four times. We may just have to try again tomorrow.
5. Do not be concerned if you dial my number and are told that the number is “invalid”. That person, whoever she is, is lying or at least momentarily confused. Hang up and try again, or again and again.
6. Remember there is a time difference. Madagascar is seven hours ahead of Michigan time (as of the Spring Forward). I go to bed around 9 or 9:30 almost every night (and not because I’m a grandma like one friend accused, but because I wake up between 5:15 and 6:30 every morning). You can also text me which is cheaper for you and makes me just as happy.
7. My family uses Pingo, one friend has a calling card and I’ve heard Skype works, too.
8. Remember, technology is flawed. Don’t get mad, just laugh. Even if the connection is fuzzy, the happiness in your laughter still comes through loud and clear (It’s hard not to laugh with your left arm up in the air).